Craigslist Post- A Clever Way To Sell A Crap Car

Click above for actual ad

1995 Toyota Camry Education Edition - $400
Reply to: sale-442998829@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-10-07, 7:06PM HST


Aloha all parents of a newly licensed driver or whoever else might be interested,

I would like to introduce to you, my 1995 Toyota Camry, built for the high school student who needs to learn the value of "suffering". We’ve all heard it from our parents –the story of how in their day, they didn’t have cars, they WALKED 8 grueling miles to school everyday, and of course they gotta throw in that they walked barefooted through the kiawe wood forest because they could only afford 1 pair of slippers that had to be shared between their 12 brothers and sisters. Well parents, now it is your turn to teach your child a little something about those values. Allow me to explain.

The Interior.

This excellent tool of a car has a wonderful custom interior designed stapled-up roof lining for that Martha Stewart look. This will improve your child's speaking skills as it makes a great conversation piece. The drivers seat has a rip on the side which will teach your child the value of saving...for those wet okole seat covers. There are no floor mats. Well, actually there are, but I took um out because it does nothing to encourage your child’s creativity. Without them, they will learn the power of decision making as they pick and choose the right color, pattern and quality of their own Walmart floor mats. It will teach them to analyze and stand by their decisions as we did when we chose the orange shag carpet for our living room last year. The center console is missing the compartment cover. But who cares, that’s a good thing! The less stashing places we give our children, the better. We never know what our kids are hiding from us these days so removing lids is a plus in my book. In fact, if you want, I will break off the glove compartment door at no extra cost. Actually, the lid is somewhere at my house, but I gotta find it if you really want it (It can be screwed back on). I’d say about 80% of the tint on the left rear passenger window has been ripped off. Good! We don’t need any back seat privacy going on, if you know what I mean. Of course, we need the lure. We can’t expect our kids to ever enter the car without music and so I have included the teaser, a Panasonic CD player with a built in auxiliary jack so they can hook up their ipod if they wish. But don't worry, that’s ALL they’re gonna get!

The Exterior.

For your sake, this reddish looking exterior comes complete with dings and scratches on it which operate like fingerprints at a crime scene. This allows us to spot the car fairly easily when they’re using it to cut school or do other rotten things. Simple forensics, my friends. You have to check out the front right wheel cover. I used zip-ties to tie this matching cover to the rim. After losing mine, I found this one about a year later on the side of the road with the tabs broken off. Don’t tell them about this one. Teach them the value of observation and to be keen on detail. See how long it takes them to notice. I must deeply apologize about this, and this is rather surprising, but there isn’t any rust on it. I wish there was however, because we could then teach them about respecting their elders, even when it comes to an old car. Like an old rusted person, we must still love and cherish them until the end. The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire! Well, not literally, but the oxidation on this car makes for a fantastic scientific observation for your young driver! Not only is the paint peeling off the roof, it is peeling off the roof in the form of two racing stripes (see photo below). Go figure! I guess the rebars built into the roof get hot in the sun and have oxidized the paint from the inside out in the form of two stripes running from the windshield to the rear window. Let them figure out for themselves why it is happening. Will it continue? Can it be stopped? Have them write a 20 page essay on their findings. The advantage for them is that because the roof is already "pre-all-buss-up," they can throw their surfboards directly on the roof with no surf racks at all or they can heat up the frozen burritos on their own rooftop grill. Creativity is the lesson here. Oh, the bumper paint is also faded which gives the car an exotic 2-toned look and an extra sample group for the aforementioned oxidation experiment. Use it wisely.

The Engine.

And now for the kicker, the engine. The car has a 5-speed manual transmission and a whopping 203,000 miles (don’t worry, it’s a Camry, it has another 1.5 million miles to go –but don’t tell them that). This will give them the illusion that they had better take it easy on the distances traveled. Pick their spots wisely. Here, they will learn the ultimate lesson in value – the value of leaching off their friends. You know they will have friends with less miles on their mobiles, so let them scab rides from the spoiled kids. And don’t worry about them sneaking out at night, the car comes with a patented belt squeaker. Press the gas and a loud chirping noise emits from under the hood. I am not sure what causes this problem, but while in the low gears, the car tends to jerk, which causes the occupants to knock their heads on the headrests. I heard it may just be the spark plugs, but why change em? When your kids piss you off, don't you grab em' by the necks and shake em' like crazy? Same thing here then, except it is used to keep them alert when they start to fall asleep on the road. When they start drifting off, BOOM, they get a series of about 5 whiplash jerks and their good to go. Although I can’t seem to find anything wrong with the brakes, the brake indicator light stays on. But with the brains of some of today’s new drivers, the light serves as a reminder to STOOOOP! The car drives with some quirks that will teach them the value of studying...the auto repair manual.

Oh, I almost forgot. The safety check is current, but the registration expired in March so your child will get the opportunity of a lifetime! He or she will be able to stand in that 2.5 mile long line at the C&C Satellite City Hall. How's that for a lesson in patience! It can't get better than that!

And so, if you love your child and would like to teach your child the values that our parents taught us, invest in their education, buy this car!

Please call Blake at 383-5723...please?

* This item has been posted by-owner.
* Location: Mililani
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 442998829